Brought this little guy home from work today <3

I hope we get Bane in so I can add him to my collection as well.

Today was long.

I got a raise.

So did everyone else who has been much for a shorter amount of time. I’m offended by this.

I bought myself something nice to make up for how long and annoying the day was.

Gonna go quit that terribly boring job tomorrow. I’ll assume it’s going to be awkward to walk in, quit, and then work the rest of the day. I’ve never quit a job before so yea…

5.26.12

Stressful day.

& even though my head is foggy and my body is on fire at the moment…tomorrow is a new day with new possibilities.

I’m trying this new thing where I think of a way to make my shitty day into a positive (and the only positive is that tomorrow will be a new day) No, that’s not really true. Today wasn’t awful because I learned a lot about my life. For one, I don’t need a new job. I’m twenty years old, I have some money in the bank, and I have no responsibilities nor do I have bills to worry about paying. I should be living up my life until I truly figure out what road I’m suppose to be heading down instead of scaring myself stupid with things like how I can make more money.

So maybe I hate my boss because she’s a fake whore with no compassion towards others because her life sucks. And maybe I’m not happy all the time so that makes me a grumpy bitch from time to time. So-fucking-what? I’m growing up, I’m not grown up. I have all the time in the world to decide what the hell is going on and I suppose I decided that I need to relax and enjoy my life.

I need to take a vacation first though. I have this idea in mind…but I don’t know if the boy I want to go see is completely up for that.

Anyways, I’m going to quit this new job on Sunday with no regrets. It isn’t going to fit with my schedule or my life so that’s okay. But first I need to get through tomorrow.

Or tonight. Dark Waters is in the DVD player. I’m scared. Someone come and hold me while I watch.

5.25.12

But I’m really sad right now & I needed to put that into the ether.

I’m quitting this new job that I JUST got because I can’t handle how boring it actually is. Ten people came in during the 6 hours I work. TEN.

I got into my other job and find out that TwoTone has 17 hours this week. Excuse me? How? Why? When was it decided that he got all of the hours. I wish I could find a job at a store that I actually enjoy being in. I’m not trying to make this a career. I’m just trying to make enough money to have for concerts and things like that. Why is that so difficult to grasp? I don’t understand it at all.

I work hard. I try and do my best and I’m a good fucking person, why am I getting the shit end of the stick? Life isn’t fair, I understand that…but that doesn’t mean that it has to make me so sad all the time.

Here’s a gif to make this seem less upsetting to me later tonight:

I just finished reading Lost At Sea by Bryan Lee O’Malley (the guy who wrote Scott Pilgrim) A friend lent it to me last night saying that I was going to really enjoy it & he wasn’t wrong. The story is very charming and it brought a smile to my face by the end. The characters are done in such a way that, even though there’s hardly any information on them, you instantly know who they are as a person. It’s a short read as well. I finished it in an hour (even with my need to look at every detail on each drawing) I definitely recommend it.

Also, if you aren’t sold on it yet…it has cats.

“You can’t break my heart because I don’t have one.”

Sometimes I don’t know why I bother writing my feelings down on here. I mean, this is useless when it really comes down to it. I need to be able to talk to someone, have someone talk through things with me…but I can’t. Last night when Reddit, Zelda, and I were talking was one of the few times this year where I’ve felt like I could say anything and they wouldn’t judge- they WEREN’T judging. I said a lot of shit that I can’t say to other people to two people I hardly see at all. It’s weird how you can consider two people trustworthy, and then you barely see them.

The only thing that I’m thinking about right now is how I work with a bunch of morons. I need to get my shift on Sunday covered because the new job is giving me more hours…and here are my coworkers derping around the schedule. I’ve asked three people to switch shifts with me, and all of them have yet to get their schedule. The work week starts on Sunday, what the heck are you doing? You just want to walk in on Saturday and realize you work tomorrow at 11 in the morning? Is that how you want this to go? That makes no sense whatsoever. A high schooler, a “depressed” community college student, and a girl who hardly works at all can’t get it together? Yet, here I am freaking out all the time over how I feel like I never have it together. How does that even make a bit of sense?

It’s not that hard to call the god damn store and say ‘hey, Kelsey needs to switch shifts with someone so could you tell me my schedule next week?’ It’s a fucking Thursday. Who goes to the mall on a Thursday? People who either work at the mall, or people who work at the fucking mall, that’s who.

I’m having a hard time getting over how nice it was to just sit and TALK last night. I wish I could have more talks like that. No one was ignoring my thoughts and I was giving them the same courtesy. Do you know how rare that is? No.1 never gave me that courtesy, it was always about him. I try and have serious conversations with people, and then it starts to sink in that no one wants to hear you talk…they want to hear themselves talk. Everyone loves have someone listen to them talk about themselves, but no one likes to listen to you. Sad truth.

Whelp, I got work tomorrow. I’ve been to this job once and I’m already done with it. How sad is that?

5.24.12

I just got home…..

I went and saw Thrice tonight. They were amazing. I went with SingSang, Zelda, and Reddit (SingSang’s boyfriend that I found out is also an avid redditor)

We ate taco bell together after the show. SingSang left around 1 AM…then Zelda, Reddit and I proceeded to talk until 5 AM about everything. We had this really serious talk for the longest time about relationships and then it turned into all of us geeking out of anime. Apparently we’re going to make an anime tumblr together so every time one of us wants to watch a certain series we can post about it and add it to the list.

I had a fun time.

5.23.12

Watching him get covered in gasoline and then set on fire was awful, but hard to look away from.

When I woke up this morning, I pretty much knew how today was going to go. I hung out with Mittens until 7:40 today. So I basically spent the entire day with him, or six and a half hours with him. We went by the mall and dropped off my direct deposit information, and then walked around the mall for a while. Stopped in Spencer’s and visited a friend of ours that works there. Once we were done at the mall, we went to this place called Zoe’s Kitchen for lunch. I’d never been there, but Mittens said it was really good so I decided to try it. I ended up liking it. I had these chicken roll-ups that were really great. Once we were done, he drove back towards my house…and then took a detour at the strip mall by my house to teach me how to drive stick shift.

I can’t say I was the greatest since this was the second time I’ve ever driven manual, but Mittens was really great at teaching me. I was a bit nervous, so I kept having to hit the break so I wouldn’t crash his car. I think that was the issue with the entire situation; I was so worried about screwing up his car that I couldn’t keep my shit together well enough to just drive. Either way, I got the hang of it by the end. He said we were going to do it again sometime. I’m excited. I can get any kind of ‘67 SS Impala once I can conquer manual.

After that we went back to my house and watched a ton a tv until he left. He left twenty minutes before Shutter Island was over. It was the first time I had ever seen it, so I completely invested in watching the movie more so then holding a conversation with him. That was perfectly okay though…he informed me later in the night that he was practically falling asleep during the movie since it was really dark in my room.

The rest of the night I spent watching tv with my parents and playing Final Fantasy. I’m one boss away from Zanarkand at the moment. I have no idea what’s going to happen after the whole scene with the fayth telling Tidus that he’s a dream…I’ve never gotten this far in the game so I’m terribly interested. Actually, the last time I played this game, I don’t remember getting past Macalania Temple.

I have a lot more to say…but I feel like it’s already too long.

TOMORROW I AM GOING TO THE COMIC BOOK STORE. IT’S BEEN THREE WEEKS. GAH.

5.22.12

I’m currently playing through this game right now. I just realized today that it’s so old, that the opening credits of the game say Squaresoft instead of SquareEnix. Also, I’m slowly remembering why I wasn’t a fan of the turn-based system.

If Nomura would’ve stopped dicking around sooner and just given me Kingdom Hearts 3DS like I wanted, I wouldn’t be subjected to this type of thing.

I slept most of the day.

I didn’t even wake up until 3 in the afternoon. Under most circumstances, I would be pissed at myself…but I really needed the amount of sleep that I got. After throwing on the nearest clothes, I went downstairs and hung out with poppabear for a while; later on I decided to head back upstairs to play more Final Fantasy X. I’m finally getting towards the end. I got through Via Purifico, Calm Lands, and the Ronso battle on Mt. Gagazet. It’s really annoying that I can’t skip certain scenes in the game…movie, I really don’t know what Square Enix considers this type of thing anymore.

I also watched The Other early in the night. I had never seen it before, but they sent it in the mail instead of the next Supernatural disc for season 4. I figured ‘why not, I put it in my queue for a reason’. There’s about twenty different horror movies in my queue after Supernatural that I’ve been meaning to watch so I’m not bothered by getting it in the mail. Mommabear on the other hand was pissed, so I watched it tonight so we could send it out tomorrow.

Just did my hair so I’m going to bed soon. I’m suppose to hang out with Mittens tomorrow.

5.21.12

Looking for misery, but she found me lying naked on the floor…

I don’t think I really like this new job that I went and did today. The girl who trained me was nice, but it was so slow that I really can’t picture myself dealing with that every single work day. The girl who trained me also told me about her second job and thought I would be a great fit there instead, so I might got apply there as well. It’s a Harris Teeter and I figure that since it’s a grocery store, I would always be a little busy, you know?

Anyways, I guess the only thing I actually wanted to say was that I just got done watching this movie called Never Let Me Go. It was from 2010 and had Carrey Mulligan and Andrew Garfield in it. The entire movie was extremely sad, but I found myself enjoying how absolutely somber it really was. At the end, maybe three minutes before the credits start rolling, there’s a moment after Andrew’s character realizes that there’s no way around his fate and he just starts screaming in the middle of the road…and I just started crying. All I could think was that he couldn’t get a few years to just be with the one he loved and then be able to say that even though his life was short, he was genuinely happy in the end. It was just so freaking sad.

But I cry over everything, so who’s to say if it was truly sad or not?

I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.

I wish someone could tell me because today just smacked me in the face and said: “Look at this shit you’re doing. Do you think that this is what you want to be doing with it?” I’m only twenty, I get that…but I can’t do this shit I’m doing anymore. I don’t want to work at a retail store, I don’t want to work in the food industry, and I sure as hell don’t want to be where my boss is when I’m thirty, and unfortunately this road I’m headed down - slowly, so fucking slow it’s almost as if I’m walking backwards - feel more and more like that’s what my life’s becoming.

I realize that the people who even take the time to look at this probably think I’m a whiny girl…but I just don’t know what I’m doing and that makes me nervous about life. I’m probably even flattering myself by saying that people read these posts I make. Who would even want to hear about my life?

Maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow and find what I’m supposed to be doing.

5.20.12

Stay away sweet misery.

I’m tired….I haven’t really slept at all since Thursday night.

This was the reason I almost FORCED myself into the shit time I had by the end of the day at Bamboozle. Plus, I hardly got to see Jock…I saw more of JFK and that charm that threw me the first time.

The day started out great though.

Plus, I was kind of a dick to Panda because I just needed today to be over.

…what else is fucking new?

5.19.12